The Needs Within
by iJ3i
Summary: A distant voice inside Kurama is urging him to ditch his human life and return to the makai for good. Confused, Kurama searches for answers from the main reasons he’s still in the ningenkai to begin with. Can this convince him to stay?
1. The Serum

Guess who's back? Yes, it's the Hiei/ Kurama lover inside of me. I just couldn't subdue that little voice that said, make another H/K....make another H/K! So...I made another! But...then again, it's not _that_ _YAOI_-ish, which is a shame. Same with my other fics, mild _shounen-ai_.

Summary: A distant voice inside of Kurama is urging him to ditch his human life and return to the _makai_ for good. Not knowing how to respond to this, Kurama searches for answers from the main reasons he's still in the _ningenkai_ to begin with. Can this convince him to stay? (Gotta read and find out! )

**Disclaimer**: I don't own _Yu Yu Hakusho_.

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- **The Serum** -

Hiei spotted Kurama resting dolefully on the park bench where he often sat. The fox wore a concentrated look on his face. Hiei knew something was up with Kurama. There had to be. He'd been acting down the past few weeks, and though Hiei wasn't the best at showing and perceiving emotions, it was obvious Kurama was going through some things.

Hiei relaxed himself a little, having gotten a little tense when he first noticed Kurama. He cleared his throat, shoved his hands into his pockets and waited a moment before he walked over to the bench. The park was unusually empty at that time. That was just fine with Hiei. He wasn't fond of the stares he got when the park was teething with humans.

Kurama's expression changed dramatically when he saw Hiei approach. He gave the demon a smile, and Hiei lifted his head in response. He walked around the back of the bench towards where Kurama sat, and stopped on the other side of the arm of the bench. Kurama turned a little on the bench to see him better.

"What brings you by?" he asked. Hiei's expression remained neutral as he looked off to the side.

"Thought you were in the _makai_. Went and looked for you when I saw that you'd come back." Kurama was apparently looking for more to that answer, but seeing that the demon revealed all that he would without prompting, Kurama continued the conversation himself.

"Yeah," he said with a nod. "I only needed to visit, that was all."

"Visit who?" Hiei asked.

"Oh...I didn't visit anyone. I went home." This seemed to spark Hiei's interest. His eyes returned to Kurama's.

"Thinking about going back?" Hiei asked. Kurama looked down. He _had_ been actually, but was in denial about the fact. He told Hiei the same thing he'd been telling himself.

"No...not lately."

"But you just..."

"I needed to pick something up." Hiei nodded.

"Oh." His face tightened a bit as he took in a breath, a warm breeze wafting by. He sighed.

"So what's been going on with you lately?" he asked. Kurama turned to face Hiei, appreciating one of the rare moments when Hiei actually _wanted_ to talk to him. He pulled his legs up to his chest and held them in his arms, his feet on the bench.

"I didn't know the change was so obvious," he said. "Shiori noticed something was wrong, but she's my mother. She's always the first to know anything about me."

"So what is it?" Kurama took in a deep breath.

"If you had the key to your future in the palm of your hand, but it meant risking all that you hold dear, would you unlock the path to the rest of your life, or would you throw the key away?" Hiei was slightly confused by the question, but hid that fact from Kurama.

"Depends. What's this _key_ you speak of?"

"It's a serum...and using it could mean returning to my previous form, but....but also, losing hundreds of years off of my life."

"That's what you'd be losing that you hold dear?" Hiei asked. Kurama shook his head, looking away. "Then what is?" Across the field, a young couple and their child were playing catch with a small ball. Kurama smiled, but then the gesture faded. His eyes fell to the ground.

"This life." Hiei's eyebrows raised in surprise.

"That's a pretty big gamble," he said. "I know you like it here."

"I never should have mixed it," Kurama said. "I never should have even thought about it."

"Why did you?"

"Curiosity. I wanted to see if I could still do it. I tested myself with several different serums and potions...and they each have worked. I have no doubt that this one, too, will work. That makes me want to try it, but trying it would mean risking everything if my serum is a failure." Hiei took a step closer.

"Try it later," Hiei said. "When you get older and your human body's dying on you."

"I can't," Kurama said. "I have to take it now. If I wait, it'll be too late. It won't have any effect."

"How does it work?" Hiei asked. Kurama looked back up at him.

"It's weird. Everything has to be right, or it won't work at all. I need to be young and vital, and in good health, first and foremost. Second, I need to be old and experienced, some part of me needs to be. I have to heat it to the right temperature and take several doses at different intervals of time. After that, I need to be able to sleep where I want to awaken for at least the number of doses in hours. It will have taken effect by then."

"If it works, what will happen?" Hiei asked. "You'll just be Youko forever?"

"Not forever. Each dose of the serum and each hour of rest works to reduce one hundred years."

"How many do you have?"

"Seven," Kurama said. "That would take me back to...when I was...still...innocent..." Kurama shook his head. "If I take each dose, and each dose holds, after I sleep, I will wake up as Youko Kurama. If everything has gone right, I will be able to use this form as well, because this form would be the life source of Youko's restoration. This is why I need to be Shuuichi for it to work." Hiei nodded.

"But the consequences...?" he began.

"I could lose this body, for good. It'll just....waste away during the hibernation stage. If it does, when my soul wakes up, I'll of course be Youko, but I will have aged however many doses I took."

"Wouldn't you...be...?"

"Dead by the time I'm nearly 2000 years old?" Kurama finished up for him. He sighed. "Not quite. I'd be a vegetable, as _ningen_s put it. A frail, fragile, weak, old wrinkled thing. I've seen them before, the elders. They were protected by the tribe that raised me and highly valued for their skills. One elder, who's origins are still unknown...she lived to be 2387. I remember her vividly....she was quite hard to forget."

"Why so old? Why don't you guys just die?"

"We're not programmed to. Over the hundreds of thousands of years we've existed, we've evolved into machines that are driven until the very last cells of our being has exhausted." Hiei looked as if he was getting interested in this. Kurama pursed his lips in thought.

"So if you'll live so long, why try to go back in time?"

"Oh...don't misunderstand... It's not time travel. It's just a rejuvenation of sorts. I won't relive what I've gone through in the past. I'll just keep living this life, but I won't age as harshly." Kurama's face went dry for a moment. "You should have seen her, Hiei. Her entire face had caved in and her limbs were so limp." Kurama shivered. "We all staked our lives on the fact that one day, we'll die before it comes to that."

"Well...don't do it then," Hiei said. "You might as well live out this life and then die, and then live as Youko and then die."

"The prospect of death isn't one I'd like to face so readily, Hiei. At least not anymore."

"Oh, I get it. You're always talking about how your life's all weird and things. Like you want to change it, but you feel it's too late."

"The blood of thieves and manics run through my veins, Hiei, for so long. And then...she gave me the blood of an innocent. Of herself, and of my father. You'd never meet more innocent, sweet people. I never felt such blood, such life before. I resented them for it, but I know better now. I know when I've truly been blessed. That is why I cannot take that serum. It would be a betrayal to everything I've gained as Shuuichi. A downright betrayal. But I crave that serum, so selfishly."

"Give it to me," Hiei said. Kurama looked up at him.

"What?" he asked. Hiei held out his hand.

"Give me the stuff. I won't let you have it; I'll destroy it if I have to." Kurama pursed his lips again.

"I...don't necessarily have it on me," he admitted. "I snuck it in the dirt of one of my plants."

"You will give that stuff to me and tell me how to dispose of it. No need keeping it around if it'll hurt you." Kurama looked away again, noticing that the family had already left.

"Thank you."

"I haven't even done it yet," Hiei said. "You're getting so soft. That one of the things you'll miss?"

"Of course," Kurama said. "It's like second nature now, and I'm damn proud of it."

"Does it piss you off that people can still see that you're Youko and don't wanna get to know the other stuff?"

"The way you were when you tracked me down?" Hiei gave Kurama a quizzical look.

"I've learned my lesson," he said, coming around and sitting on the opposite side of the bench. "I'm in league of my own now." Kurama turned around and sat correctly on the bench, crossing his legs as he looked over at Hiei.

"I do resent people for it, but I can't blame them. All the sayings are true...once a thief always a thief, there's no honor among thieves. And the fear they feel when they realize that I'm not just any _youko_..." Kurama lowered his head, shaking it slightly. "I love myself, I do. I'm not ashamed of any one of my forms. It's just that...experience is a powerful thing, and this experience is the greatest I've ever encountered."

"Why?" Hiei asked. "Why the human one?"

"Simply because it's so different and fresh and....Hiei...you don't know how grateful I am to know you, and Yusuke and Kuwabara-_kun_. Keiko-_chan_ and Botan...my mother...oh, how I love that woman..."

"Softie," Hiei snickered. Kurama gave him a playful frown.

"Speaking of softies," he said. "I know it doesn't take much for you to get all lovey in the eyes when Yukina's around." Hiei turned to him sharply.

"What?" he almost growled. Kurama nodded, looking like he held the secret that could ruin Hiei's life. He laughed. Hiei scowled. "I do not!" he said. Kurama smirked.

"Oh, you do, too, and you know it. You're getting soft, just like me. Believe me, it's possible. Friends and relatives will do that to a person."

"But you're still a demon at heart, Kurama..."

"And I'll never, ever forget that. I'll never turn my back on my heritage, but nothing will stop me from having the best second chance I could have ever wished for." Hiei folded his arms and looked away.

"You'll learn," he said. "This isn't so great." Kurama leaned over and gave Hiei a shove.

"Shut up," he told him and stood up. Kurama stretched very widely. "You coming to get the serum?" he asked.

"Yeah." He came from the bench and they began to walk towards the entrance gates of the park.

"You hungry? We could make a date out of it." Hiei's face scrunched up almost immediately, but then he loosened up. He smirked, closing his eyes and stuffing his hands into his pockets again.

"Dream on, Kurama," he said. "Hiei doesn't date..."

"Did you just refer to yourself in the third person?" Kurama asked, matching the demon's smirk.

"Don't see any other Hiei's around," Hiei said, his tone amused. Kurama shook his head at him, and looked around at all the scenery and life around him.

Yes, he was truly happy here, even if it was temporary, and had no intention of cutting his time short because of some selfish desire that Youko tried to suddenly impose. He would stay here for as long as he could and live the life he was destined to live at this stage in the game.

His gaze fell on Hiei, and he watched the demon as he walked. Hiei seemed oblivious to his staring, scowling at the little children that pointed at him as he walked by. Oddly, the children seemed to get a kick out of him and laughed and giggled happily as their parent's scolded them. Kurama smiled, slowing down a little. He couldn't ask for a better companion.

"Hiei?"

"Huh?"

"Thanks." Hiei gave Kurama a silent glance, one that Kurama was sure to study hard. Within it, though there was nothing obvious about it and it could have easily been overlooked, Kurama saw his 'you're welcome.'

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I know what you're thinking: 'That reads like a one shot.' That's because it was until I realized what I could make it. Of course, if I don't get any reviews, that'll be what it will remain. :(

Oh...and all that stuff about Youko's past and the serum and the aging...I made it up. I know almost zero about Youko's past. I now see the beauty of the 'fiction' in fan fiction. I could make stuff up 'til the cows come home. Unless you want to correct me. Then I'll change it. Please review!

J3

(This is a shout-out to all who reviewed my previous story, A Daunting Vacation. I forgot to put this at the end of that one...whoops! Anyhoo, thanks a million and I appreciate it and if I ever win the lottery, I promise I'll share. Even if it's just a dollah!!)


	2. At The Movies

Thanks for the reviews guys! I really appreciate it! ::sniffles and gets a little emotional:: _Arigatou_!

Thanks for all the info on Youko, _InuKurama_!! ::smiles wide:: I appreciate the effort!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

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- **At The Movies** -

Hiei waited patiently as Kurama retrieved the serum. He stood near the window where he had entered a few moments ago. Kurama had taken his time to get up to his room, but Hiei didn't get impatient with him. So long as he handed him the serum, everything would be alright.

Kurama went over to the wall shelves that held a few potted plants. He reached for the fourth in line and took it with him to his bed. He sat down and put the pot in his lap. He carefully, so as not to disturb the plant, dug his pointer finger in the soil. When he felt the tiny vial, he fished it out. He looked at it before looking over to Hiei. Hiei was wary of his expression.

"Having second thoughts?" he asked. Kurama gave him a short smile and handed it to him.

"Take it. Please." Hiei walked over to him and took the vial, holding it with just his pointer and thumb.

"This is seven doses?" he asked, looking skeptical. Kurama nodded.

"It's potent stuff."

"Hn." Hiei snuck it in his pocket.

"There," Kurama said, giving a nervous smile. Hiei watched him closely.

"Can I just throw it away, or will it start making plants grow and stuff."

"Boil it," Kurama said. "Just burn it. It loses its potency when it's in a gaseous form."

"'Kay."

"Thanks for talking to me, Hiei. I really appreciate it."

"Sure." Hiei leaned against the window frame. "So what now?"

"What do you mean?" Kurama asked, setting the pot back down on the shelf.

"What are you going to do? The usual?"

"Why? You want to do something?"

"I dunno," Hiei said with a shrug. "Maybe." Kurama smirked.

"Oh...you _do_ want to turn it into a little date thing, huh?"

"Get real," Hiei said. "I'm just gonna get bored soon so I figured we might as well do something."

"Just us?" Hiei looked exhausted.

"Why do you gotta make everything seem all twisted?" he asked. "I need something to do before going back."

"Ok, ok," Kurama said, sighing. "I just asked because...you know...we do different things when we're alone than when we're with the guys."

"Oh. Well...I don't know. You in the mood for a walk or something?"

"A walk would be nice, but...I haven't gone to the movies in a long time. Wanna see one?"

"What's that?" Hiei asked.

"It's...you know TV?"

"Yeah."

"It's kinda like watching TV except it's one long show and inside a theater."

"Oh. Whatever." Kurama smiled.

"I'll call the guys, is that okay?"

"Yeah." Kurama stood up and went over to his phone. He sat at his desk as he called Yusuke. There was no answer at his house. He tried Kuwabara next. Shizuru answered.

"**Yo**," she said.

"Hey...Shizuru?"

"Oh, Kurama. What...you want to talk to Kazu?"

"Yes, please." He could hear her set down the receiver and then her calling for Kuwabara to get the phone.

"Kurama?" Kuwabara answered moments later.

"Hello, Kuwabara."

"What's up?"

"You busy today?" Kurama asked.

"No, not really."

"Would you like to go to the movies with Hiei and I?"

"Hiei?" Kuwabara asked quickly.

"Yes." There was a moment of silence.

"Does he know you're asking me?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Uh...I don't know. I'm sorta low on cash and Hiei still...kinda gives me the creeps."

"Oh...ok. Do you know where Yusuke is?"

"Hanging with Keiko." Kurama nodded.

"Alright. I'll guess we'll go alone then."

"We'd only be in the way," Kuwabara said. Kurama's eyebrows flinched.

"No, you wouldn't..." he said. "We'd love to have you two along."

"Sorry, Kurama. Maybe some other time." Kurama sighed.

"Alright, thanks, anyway."

"See you later."

"Right. Goodbye." Kuwabara hung up the phone. Kurama sighed again as he set down the receiver. "Well, Hiei...I guess it's just you and me." Hiei shrugged.

"So?"

"Don't you like hanging out with us?" Kurama asked.

"Not really. Kuwabara's weird and Yusuke's always talking."

"And me?"

"What about you?" Hiei asked. Kurama shook his head.

"Nevermind. You ready?"

"Yeah." Kurama grabbed his keys and some money and met Hiei out front. He left a note for his mother and walked with Hiei to the theater. Hiei was silent the entire way there. Kurama wouldn't have minded it much if it didn't seem like there was a lot on the demon's mind.

There wasn't a line, so getting inside took no time at all. Hiei didn't seem at all bothered when the clerk rang him up as a child. Kurama didn't think he was paying attention at all, actually. He was gradually getting more and more distant.

Kurama didn't ask questions while he led Hiei inside. Hiei looked up at the concession stand and seemed to lighten up for a moment. He walked over to the counter and curiously looked at the various snacks that were displayed. Kurama followed him over.

"Would you like something?" he asked.

"What are you gonna get?" Hiei asked, his eyes still on the food.

"I usually just get popcorn and something to drink, but you can have what you want."

"I want the cheese," he said, pointing to the large container of hot, steamy cheese.

"Oh...they don't sell that individually," Kurama said. "It comes poured on top of those chips. Nachos is what they call them."

"Then I want that."

"Do you want the peppers on them? It makes it spicy."

"Yeah." Kurama nodded and ordered a small popcorn, a small soda, the nachos and some chocolate candy. He led Hiei into the room where the movie they were going to see would play. The room was just as empty as the rest of the theater. Kurama chose seats in the middle of the room. Hiei plopped down next to him, reaching for his food. Kurama handed it to him.

"Be careful now...it's hot."

"I know." Kurama leaned and popped open the container. Hiei began to eat and Kurama began to wish he'd brought more napkins. "Kurama?" Hiei asked after a short while. Kurama, in the middle of taking a sip of his soda, pulled the straw from his mouth.

"Yes?"

"If you had've taken it...what would you have done if it worked?" Kurama faced the screen, thinking about that for a moment.

"I don't really know..." he said. "Just...live a better life, I suppose."

"You'd leave the _ningenkai_?"

"I couldn't," Kurama said. "In order for me to live as a younger _youko_, I need to make sure that Shuuichi's life goes well."

"That's the only reason why?" Hiei asked. "Not because you like it here or anything?"

"Well, of course I'd still be here. This is my home now. But still, I'd spend a lot more time in the _makai_, just going over things."

"Won't that make you want to stay away?" Kurama paused again. Hiei ate another nacho, not taking his eyes off Kurama. "Huh?"

"I suppose so..." Kurama said slowly. Hiei shook his head.

"What were you thinking, making something like that?" he asked. "You really need to get it together, Kurama. You could have made a big mistake."

"I know it was a bad judgment," Kurama said. "I know that. That's why I had to rectify the situation somehow." Hiei nodded and reached for Kurama's pop. Kurama let him take it. Hiei took the lid off and gulped some down. He handed it back to Kurama.

"You'll learn to ask one day," Kurama said.

"Oh...we're not sharing?" Hiei asked. "Thought we were sharing."

"I'm just teasing," Kurama said. "I don't mind it." Hiei nodded and leaned back. He fell silent as the previews began to play. Kurama started eating his popcorn. He set his cup in the cup holder and set back as well.

Partway through the movie, Hiei kept nervously looking around at the other people in the room. There were six others, all couples and all seated at the back. Hiei's vision was near perfect, even in darkness. He was a demon, after all; it was natural. He looked from one couple to another, and then the last, and then over again. He looked at Kurama.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"That mobster's son just helped the other mobster's daughter escape from the house. This is getting good, _ne_?"

"Not with the movie....with these people... What are they doing?" Kurama pulled his attention away from the movie and looked at Hiei, seeming to be confused. Really, he just had to take a moment to register what Hiei had just said; he wasn't fully paying attention to him when he spoke.

"What?" he asked, looking around. "Oh...because they're making out?" he asked. "They do that sometimes, just ignore them."

"Is that...why you brought me here?" Hiei asked. Kurama gave him a strange look. Hiei's emotions were clearly mixed.

"N—no," Kurama said. "I wanted to see this movie...and you've never been to the movies before and you were bored so I just decided to bring you along."

"Oh..."

"Don't worry. I wouldn't do that to you."

"Why not?" Hiei asked. Kurama's eyebrows lowered sharply.

"Why...not?"

"Yeah. You don't like me or something?" Kurama almost dropped his popcorn.

"I do..." he said quickly. Hiei kept his eyes on Kurama, his expression a little stern as he took a handful of popcorn. He stuffed it in his mouth and looked at the screen. Kurama couldn't help but stare at the demon a little more before he, too, returned his focus to the movie screen.

'_You know, Kurama..._' a thought suddenly appeared, catching Kurama's attention. '_That Hiei's a tricky character. You never really know what he's thinking. But you know one thing for sure. That demon is always, always trying to make his home in the _makai_ again. Koenma's let you guys off, he could easily go back. Do you know why he doesn't? It just might be because of you._'

"Ku-ra-ma?" Hiei asked, waving a hand in front of Kurama's face. Kurama shook his head and looked at Hiei.

"Yeah...?" he asked distractedly.

"Could I have some more juice?"

"It's pop, Hiei, and take as much as you like."

"Pop..." Hiei murmured, as if trying to remember the word.

_'Just look at him. He didn't really want to take it from you. But you wanted to give it to him. Did you really, Kurama? Or are you still confused? You know you want to go home. Hiei wouldn't mind going back with you...just take it back and use it... Hiei won't mind... Hiei will help you._' Kurama looked over to Hiei.

He was still reaching inside the bag of popcorn, picking at the pieces at the bottom and occasionally getting kernels. He munched on them as if he didn't notice he was eating them, his eyes glued to the screen. The pop, now in his lap, was nearly finished. He gripped it and drank a little more, coughing once, but again, not noticing it. Kurama tried to watch the movie again.

'_Do it now, Kurama, while his mind is elsewhere. He'll never know you took it, he's too involved in the movie._' Kurama reached his arm slowly, almost inconspicuously underneath his arm of the chair and then under Hiei's.

To his surprise, Hiei's eyes slowly trailed over to him and caught his gaze, then moved back to the screen. Hiei took the cup from his lap and handed it to Kurama. Kurama took it from him and sat back.

"Thanks," he said, shaking the cup. "Just got a little thirsty."

"Hn."

'_Well, that was a dumb idea_,' Kurama thought. '_Hiei would know anyway, he's the one getting rid of it._' Kurama ran his hands through his hair a few times and watched the rest of the movie without anymore interruptions.

Later that evening, he saw Hiei off to the _makai_ and headed home.

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Please review, as reviews make my world go round!!

J3


	3. Reassurance

Yes!! I finally got internet connection at home now! Sorry about the delay, and all the future delays that have yet to come because the connection is kinda iffy... Here's chapter three!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own YYH.

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- **Reassurance** -

Hiei's feet carried him far that evening. In his mind, he wanted to locate a very distant place, one he could easily forget after that night. He didn't mind that he was traveling further and further into territory he wasn't familiar with. Just so long as he had his jagan, he could find his way back home.

The spot he decided on was a remote wooded area that seemed derived of life. Many things around him were either dying or already dead. Here, there was nothing to miss and everything to forget.

He realized that this was the area he often went to to purge the memories and experiences he loathed the most. The area wasn't exactly one he preferred, but it was perfect for the purpose he'd assigned it. Here, not only would it be the place for him to forget all that hindered him, it would also be a place for Kurama to banish all regrets as well.

The thought of that made Hiei smile a little to himself. He was alone now, and the smile went unseen, just as he needed it to. He kneeled next to an open spot of hardened, gray mud. He reached into his pocket and took out the offending vial.

He took a good look at it, studying it hard. This was the stuff Kurama dared to use, for even just a second. What was that fox thinking, trying to throw his life away like that? Hiei's curiosity made him a little nervous. Thinking of the reasons why Kurama would do that was beginning to scar him.

Youko Kurama wasn't known for being nice, and Hiei often wondered how good he'd treated himself. Kurama was always talking about how this was a big thing for him, getting his second chance. About how much he didn't want to ruin it. But then he would go ahead and make something like this, telling Hiei that he just wanted to see if he could do it. Hiei knew it was a lie. He thought of it as nothing else but.

He sat the vial down in front of him and sat back. It was nothing more than a tiny glass bottle filled with a purplish liquid and stopped up with a cork. It was runny, not thick. Seven doses. Seven whole doses with not as much as an ounce of fluid.

Hiei looked up, watching a few leaves newly separated from their trees falling in spirals towards the ground. He watched them settle and then get swept away by another gust of wind. His eyes returned to the vial.

It just sat there, staring back at him. He reached over and picked it up.

"Kurama..." he murmured. "After this, I swear if you do anything so foolish..." He shook his head and set the thing down. "No...you won't, will you...? You're better than that. You're my fox." Hiei watched the vial a little longer before setting it aflame. The glass burst, but the heat was enough to make the shards disintegrate before they could hit the ground. Hiei made sure to destroy every trace of it. He stood. It was time to put all of this behind him.

Kurama leaned back against the pillows propped up on his bed. He looked around, his eyes settling on his left desk drawer. His expression became a little more focused. He let his eyes linger there. He knew what was inside, and it taunted him.

'_You know, Kurama_?' This was almost always how his thoughts began. '_Once you take it, things'll start looking up. You can't still be having doubts about it, of course it will work. You know what you're doing, what you were doing when you made it. Just try it, it'll work._

_'Once you do and you go home, things will be different. Kuwabara ditched you today, Yusuke's ditched you before, and Shiori's been working your nerves lately. It wouldn't hurt to try. You could always just try one dose and then use the rest later if you're so unsure. But I'm telling you Kurama. It _will_ work._

_'Imagine, you'll be free in the _makai_, won't you? Oh, don't worry. He'll be there, too. But he won't hold you back, tie you down. Imagine, you'll be home again. It's not the same in this body, or in that body, old and getting a bit rusty. Of course you enjoyed the vitality, of course you want the feelings of your youth...and you want them back, don't you?_

_'Shuuichi won't remain young forever, you know that. He'll age and die and then you'll age and die, but if you do this, Kurama, just think. Just think of what you'll gain. Sure your time will come, but you remember her, don't you? She withered away into nothing. You'll die in battle looking your very best and at your very best._

_'That's the only way to go...the only way you should ever go. It's inevitable, Kurama. There's no reason to make it harder for you, to die not at your best, but weak and undeserving of death. You'll die when it's right, and it will never be right until you restore your body. Go to it. Get it... Take it... Live._'

Kurama got up from the bed very slowly, biting his lip as he crept over to the drawer, acting as if he were about to sneak out of the house. He reached out for it, only noticing then that his hand was shaking quite a bit. He burped silently, the taste of stale popcorn in his mouth. His fingertips touched the drawer handle. Kurama breathed in deep and then out very slowly. His fingers slid and hooked the handle. He pulled forward.

"Shuuichi..." his mother called. He slammed the drawer shut and whipped towards the door. Shiori knocked. "Shuuichi...?" Kurama breathed a sigh out harshly, lowering his eyes before looking at the door. A part of him couldn't believe he was actually about to take it out. And...perhaps... "Shuuichi...you okay in there?"

"Yes," Kurama said, looking around the room as if he wanted to hide something that was sitting out. He shook his head and went over to the door. He opened it. "Everything's just fine," he told her. "Why...what's the matter?"

"Just checking in on you," she said, smiling. "You know, even though you've finished school, I still expect to see you coming home at a certain time and doing your homework."

"I suppose I'll have to start that back up soon enough..." Kurama said, smiling as well. "College is not that far away." Shiori nodded.

"You're right," she said. "I'm sorry I'm home so late and couldn't fix dinner..."

"Oh...I'm sorry...I didn't even think about that," Kurama said. "I could have made something..."

"I'll fix you something if you're hungry..."

"Hiei and I went to the movies earlier," Kurama said, "so I'm not hungry. How about you? Could I fix you something?" Shiori patted his chest.

"Don't you worry about it," she said. "I'll take care of it." She reached up and hugged him. "You going to bed?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Good. I'll see you in the morning."

"Right."

"Goodnight, Shuuichi..."

"Have a good rest mother..." She smiled at him again and headed down the stairs. Kurama closed the door and leaned against it, his eyes immediately falling on the drawer. He went over to it and opened it quickly, not allowing any time for hesitation. He stared at the vial hard, going over to his bed and sitting down.

Why? was the only thing he could ask himself.

Why was he having those thoughts? He looked down at the vial, squeezing it hard. His palms had begun to sweat.

How? How had he convinced himself to do this? How could he possibly make himself believe that he was sick of Shiori and that Yusuke and Kuwabara were blowing him off? None of it was true. Yusuke was sick that day, Keiko told him herself. Kuwabara just wasn't comfortable around Hiei, that was all. He loved his mother dearly, how dare he deny her that? Kurama sank back against his pillows.

"I won't take you..." he muttered. '_I'll stick you under my pillow as proof that my will cannot be so easily broken_.' He lifted his pillow and set the vial on his bed. He sat his pillow over it and laid down. He flipped out his light and turned over, away from the window.

He did not see the pair of eyes watching him just a few feet away.

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Thanks for waiting and sticking with me. I hope to get the next chapter out soon! Please review! Ta ta!

J3


	4. Spring Cleaning

Ah! Spring Break was nice! Though...it's kinda hard to have a good Spring Break when it's not really spring yet. ::shrugs:: Oh well! Hope you guys like Chaptah Fo'!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own YYH, _gar nicht_!

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- **Spring Cleaning** -

Yusuke tossed the small tennis ball back and forth between himself and the wall. He had a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, and it kept him up at night. Atsuko wasn't around; he presumed she was out somewhere with her friends tossing back a few tall frosty cold ones.

He was bored, to say the least, though he didn't feel like doing anything else but throwing the ball. He was on his bed, laid out lazily. He was busy thinking, something he wasn't all that used to.

He threw the ball quickly. It bounced off the wall and shot past him onto the floor beyond his bed. He let out a huge sigh and turned around, watching the ball rolling along the floor. He rested his head on his arm and closed his eyes. Though the light was on, he was sure that he could go to sleep for just a little while.

Just as he was about to fall asleep, he felt it again, a warm tingly feeling that made him nervous. His eyes opened slowly and lifted his head. He looked around the room for something else to do, but, not finding anything useful, he turned over on his back.

He looked out the window, and up at the moon behind the building across the street. He yawned, his eyes watering, making the nearly full moon blur into a soft yellow ball. He was startled out of skin when a dark figure perched on the window sill, blocking his view.

"Oh..." he said, managing to calm down quickly. He sat up. "It's you." Hiei came forward and kneeled on Yusuke's bed. Yusuke's face was expectant. Hiei furrowed his eyebrows.

"I think Kurama's losing his mind," he told him. Yusuke looked a little surprised.

"What?"

"He's acting really weird and it's driving me to drink, I swear it."

"Well, what happened?" Yusuke asked. He turned towards Hiei fully and sat with his legs crossed under him.

"He's just...doing weird things and acting like everything's okay. I swear that fox is confused. He tells me things, but he leaves out anything incriminating. I can't figure out what it is. He needs help, that I know." Yusuke scratched his head, thinking a little before speaking.

"What'd he do?"

"Well...first off, he's acting like he's hiding something. I know it's on his mind, but he won't say anything. He's been like this for weeks, Yusuke. Then...I think it was last week or something like that...he's goes 'Hey, Hiei, tell me something. Do you think I should go back to the _makai_ and then I said, 'what?' and he said, 'do you think I should go back to the _makai_ to live' and I was like...just...'you stay where you're comfortable' and then he gave me this really, really weird smile and didn't talk for the rest of the night. I mean stone silence, Yusuke."

"What kind of smile....like a smirk?"

"No, it wasn't a smirk. It was...as if he was trying to smile but his face wouldn't let him."

"Forced?"

"Like he was struggling to do it." Yusuke looked down, resting his chin in his hands.

"Then what?"

"Well, today he tells me about this potion thing he made that can give him back 700 years of life if he takes it and he's doesn't know what to do so I told him I'd get rid of it for him, and he acted like it was a good idea and gave it to me and I burned it. I went to see him just now and he had another one, Yusuke. And he's looking at it and his face is serious...I don't think I've ever seen him that way before. And then he goes, 'I won't take you' and stuffs it under his pillow."

"Wait...what's the stuff do again?"

"It's complicated. Youko's live a long time and they don't die until they're over 2000 years old and by that time, they're...they're...what did he call them...?"

"Old?" Yusuke suggested. Hiei shook his head.

"No...but...they get all shriveled up and they don't really exist, but they're alive and Kurama doesn't want to end up that way. So he makes this stuff that can take his body back to the way it was 700 years ago so that when he does die, he'll still look good."

"But...won't he just keep living until he dies?" Yusuke asked. "I mean...I can't imagine someone who looks young and healthy dying of old age. He'll shrivel up anyway, won't he? Just 700 years later."

"You think he knows that?" Hiei asked. Yusuke shrugged.

"I could be wrong."

"I don't understand it either. Unless he _wants_ to live a longer life and he lied about not wanting to be a....darnit...what did he say...?"

"Well, what else did he do?"

"That's the major stuff," Hiei said. He sat down on the bed. "He's just acting bored and tired all the time. I think he wants to go back, but he's always talking about how he loves it here. The fox is confused."

"Did you talk to him?"

"Not since earlier..."

"Oh." Yusuke yawned and looked away. "I always wondered why Kurama never really speaks about himself vainly, you know?" he asked. "If I were him, I'd act like I was the best out there, because he's pretty good at just about everything. So why's he always talking about how horrible things are and how horrible he is?"

"It may not be like that," Hiei said. "Maybe Kurama's just...thinking about his past life and talking about that one. He hasn't done anything as Shuuichi that would make him say those things."

"Yeah...I think that's it."

"You know, Yusuke... Kurama loves the fact that he's got another chance and everything to make things right..."

"So why would he want to go back to being Youko and live the life he hates so much for 700 more years."

"Maybe he's lying..." Hiei said. "Maybe he's lying to us about it."

"You think he..."

"He loves that life, that whole thief deal, and is completely bored with this one, so he's gonna go back and live it the way he wants but at the same time, is still able to live as Shuuichi." Yusuke frowned.

"That doesn't seem like Kurama at all."

"You don't spend 1000 years lying just to be bad at it, Yusuke," Hiei said. "He knows what he's doing, if that's the case."

"I really hope not," Yusuke said. He sniffed and rubbed his nose. Hiei looked up at him.

"Me too," he said.

The next afternoon, Yusuke went over to Kurama's house. He didn't expect Shiori or Kurama to be home, but he figured he'd give it a shot.

There was no answer at the door initially, and so Yusuke went down the stairs and headed off to no place in particular. But then he heard the door open. Kurama stuck his head out.

"Hello?" he asked. Yusuke turned to him, first seeing that Kurama's hair was an absolute mess. He jogged over to the stairs quickly, waving to get Kurama's attention. Kurama saw him as he came near and smiled at him. The smile made Yusuke feel odd. There was something off about it.

"Hey, Kurama, what's going on?" he asked as Kurama let him in. The living room was all out of order; the furniture was pushed up against the right wall and there was a big pile of dust and dirt in the middle of the floor.

A radio was going, sounding as if it were in the kitchen. Kurama set the broom he was holding up against the wall. He was wearing a loose pair of light gray jogging pants and a baggy white t-shirt. Yusuke had never seen him so at ease before.

"Just a little spring cleaning," Kurama answered Yusuke's question. He crossed the room and left momentarily. The radio noise ceased and Kurama returned to the room. "What brings you by?"

"Just came to see what you were up to." Kurama nodded.

"Just cleaning," he explained. "Making sure the house is neat."

"Cleaning's boring," Yusuke said, leaning against the wall with his hand in his pocket. "You wanna do something?" Kurama's face lit up.

"Sure," he said. "What do you want to do?"

"Oh, I don't know..." Yusuke said. "Anything's fine. This house is kinda stuffy. We should take a walk." Kurama nodded.

"Let me just finish up in here, alright?"

"Need some help?"

"That'd be great, thanks." Yusuke helped Kurama sweep up the dust and put the furniture back to where it was before Kurama moved it. Kurama excused himself and hurried up the stairs. Yusuke followed him. He'd gone to his bedroom. "I'll just be a moment," Kurama said, taking some clothes out of his drawer and going over to the bathroom. He shut the door behind him. Yusuke sat down at the desk.

The room was extraordinarily clean, cleaner than Yusuke remembered. Kurama must have started on his room before he cleaned the living room. Yusuke looked at the bed, neatly made. He stared at the pillows and he frowned slightly, looking over at the bathroom door.

Hiei had said Kurama didn't want to take the potion that he made. He wanted Hiei to get rid of it. Yet...Kurama had stashed more in his room. Yusuke went over to the bed and lifted the pillow.

There was the serum, in a tiny glass bottle.

Yusuke quickly reached down and took it, sticking it in his pocket. He placed the pillow down neatly and straightened it out, his eyes on the bathroom door. That accomplished, he walked over to the window and casually looked out while he waited.

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Please review! And...Happy St. Pat's!

J3


	5. The Sneak

Thanks for your reviews, _minna-san_! Doo-dee-doo! Chapter five to the rescue! Rescue...from what, you may ask? ::shrugs:: Beats me. Use your imagination, people!

Special thanks to one of my fave authors, **Gogo-chan**! _Arigatou Gozaimasu_! Hope you like Chapter Five!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own YYH.

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- **The Sneak** -

When Kurama came out of the bathroom, he looked just like Yusuke was used to. He wore a mauve button down long sleeve shirt with a pair of burgundy slacks. His sockless feet were tucked into his shoes and his hair was neatly brushed. He gave Yusuke a smile that Yusuke was comfortable with. Yusuke walked over to him.

"I want ice cream," he said. Kurama nodded.

"Sounds great." The pair left the house and headed towards the nearest shop to get their frozen treats. Yusuke started the conversation after a few blocks of silence.

"Hey...I was wondering..."

"Yes?" Kurama asked, looking at him. Yusuke's eyes were all over the place, as if not one thing around him could hold his attention for long. Usually they'd just be set on one thing. Kurama wondered what was on his mind, and hoped that that was what Yusuke would talk to him about.

"Do you....like Hiei?" Kurama frowned a little.

"Of course." Yusuke gave him a look.

"Not _that_ way. Everybody likes Hiei if I meant it that way."

"Oh..." Kurama looked away, turning a few shades pinker. "I can't lie...I do."

"Oh. That's cool. Maybe you guys should go out sometimes. Hiei's always thinking about you." Kurama pulled a strand of hair behind his ear.

"It seems that way, doesn't it?"

"No...not just seems...he really does. Every time he comes over he talks about you. Last night...he was worried."

"Worried?" Kurama asked. "What about?"

"Said you weren't acting like yourself."

"Oh." Kurama looked around distractedly, as Yusuke, now focused, was earlier.

"I haven't been around to see it, but you do kinda look a little disoriented. What's going on?"

"Nothing, really."

"Regardless of what Hiei says, you're not as good a liar as you think. Tell me."

"I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately...wait... Hiei went to visit you last night?"

"Yeah. We talked for like three hours about stuff."

"What exactly did he say about me?" Kurama asked.

"He was just worried," Yusuke said. "He asked me some stuff and hoped that I could help him out, but knowing me... I'm just no good at stuff like that."

"But...what exactly did he ask?" Kurama pressed. "Did he say something that might have confused you?"

"No, not really. We didn't stay on that subject for long. Once he saw that I couldn't say much, he changed the subject."

"Oh." They walked a little more in silence before Kurama spoke again. "Talking with Hiei is nice, isn't it...?" he asked. "That demon sure has a mouth sometimes."

"Yeah. Once he gets going, you might as well get the popcorn out because you'll be there for a while." Kurama chuckled, then paused. He looked at Yusuke.

"Has he ever _told_ you that he liked me?" he asked.

"He's never said it in so many words, but Kurama...I'll tell you, it's so obvious. He's so into you. If it weren't for you, I don't think I'd see him at all." Kurama smiled.

"That makes me feel good," he said. Yusuke and Kurama were just a few feet away from the tiny ice cream booth, and so they walked the rest of the way there in an understood silence.

Yusuke bought both of their cones, getting a triple scoop of strawberry, rocky road and mocha for himself and a single scoop of vanilla for Kurama. They began to walk again, heading for the park.

"You and Hiei should go out sometime," Yusuke said again. "Maybe with Keiko and me. That'd be fun. She wants to go bowling."

"Hmmm," Kurama said. "It sounds like fun. But just think, Yusuke...Hiei, surrounded by a bunch of _ningen_s, with access to several large, heavy bowling balls..."

"Yeah..." Yusuke said. "Too many "accidents.""

"He might enjoy it, though," Kurama said. "He liked the movies."

"Oh...you...he mentioned that you guys went to the movies. So...you've already been on a date with him, then?"

"It wasn't really a date. I wanted to go with us four guys, but you weren't around and Kuwabara was apprehensive about being around Hiei for so long. So we just went just the two of us."

"Did'ya neck?" Kurama gave Yusuke a confused look.

"What? No, of course not."

"You probably did," Yusuke teased. "Hiei always leaves out the good stuff. I wouldn't put it past you leaving out the good details, making it seem like you and Hiei are just friends. You necked, right?"

"We didn't," Kurama said defensively. "Actually, while we were there, people were kissing and Hiei asked if I had brought him there to kiss him."

"And you told him yes, right?"

"Yusuke!" Kurama said, surprised. "Of course I didn't. I wanted to see the movie."

"No one ever goes to the movies with someone they like to just see the movie."

"I did," Kurama said. "I wanted to see that movie."

"What was it about?" Yusuke asked. Kurama paused, surprised by the fact that he drew a complete blank. "See what I mean. I don't care how much you wanted to see that movie, Hiei was the only thing on your mind." Kurama sighed in submission.

"Fine. Whatever you say. We _did_ enjoy the movie."

"And each other's company...?"

"Yes." Kurama turned pink again.

"Hiei's gonna be so happy once you tell him."

"Why should I be the one?" Kurama asked. "I quite like our relationship the way it is."

"Hiei's got guts, but not when it comes to something like this," Yusuke said. "You ever see that little guy turn red? Man, it's like he's on fire." Kurama smiled and nodded.

"He's adorable, isn't he?"

"Weird is more like it. Anyway, I'm not one to be giving advice, but you should take the step and not him. It's enough that he's even admitted he likes you, but trying to make him do something major like ask you out...? He'd lose his mind."

"I know..." Kurama said. "I'm very nervous about it. I've...been thinking about doing it for a long time now."

"Oh...is that what's driving you nuts?" Yusuke asked. He made a childishly sweet face and looked at Kurama, batting his eyelashes. "Because you're in love with your adorable little fire demon and you don't know how to tell him? How absolutely darling."

"Your ice cream's melting," Kurama said, giving Yusuke a blank look.

"I know you won't like me saying this, but you looked just like Hiei when you did that." Kurama smiled to himself. "He's got a hold on you. You should ask him now."

"Now?" Kurama asked. They were at the entrance of the park and about to enter when Yusuke stopped.

"Yeah. He's been following us ever since we got our ice cream."

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Please review! _Je vous aime beaucoup_!

J3


	6. Better Than Cheese

Oh mah goodness, just a few more weeks and I'm free! Almost free! And I'm very excited about that! Down with school and sucky twelve hour projects that involve stinky rubber cement and that all seem to be due the same week! ::takes a deep breath:: Enough with my ranting, huh? ::takes another deep breath:: Alright guys, here's chapter six!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

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- **Better Than Cheese** -

"You could have at least bought me some of that stuff, if you knew I was there," Hiei said, walking up to them. Kurama turned to him quickly, and Yusuke turned more slowly.

"Oh...Hiei....you were there the whole time...?" Kurama stammered. Hiei nodded and shrugged, going over to Kurama and taking his ice cream cone. Kurama let him.

"Seems to me you guys've got some talking to do..." Yusuke said. He waved to them and walked away. Hiei ate some of Kurama's ice cream and went to hand it back, but then his eyes widened. He stared at the ice cream cone as if it were something he'd never seen before.

"What...is _this_?" he asked.

"Ice cream," Kurama answered.

"Ice cream..." Hiei ate some more. "Better than cheese." Kurama smiled at him. He began to walk and Hiei followed him. Kurama's manner had become a little off again. Hiei kept an inconspicuous eye on Kurama as they went through the park. Kurama sighed heavily.

"You okay there, fox?" Hiei asked.

"Yes, just perfect," he said. "So...you heard what we talked about?"

"Yeah. So you gonna ask me?" Kurama smiled down at him. Hiei liked that smile.

"No." Hiei made a shocked movement.

"_Nani_?!" he asked. "Why not?"

"Don't want to," Kurama said, looking towards the sky. "So I'm not gonna." Hiei put the rest of the cone in his mouth, still looking at Kurama. "Don't look so upset..." Kurama said, though he hadn't looked at Hiei since Hiei's expression changed.

"You will..." Hiei said, looking towards the ground. Kurama sat down at the bench they approached and Hiei stood next to him. Kurama smiled at him.

"What are you doing later?" he asked. Hiei shrugged.

"Staying at your place, I guess."

"We should do something again."

"Like what?"

"I don't know... I like spending time with you."

"We're spending time with each other now," Hiei said.

"I know, but..." Kurama sighed. "I don't know. It felt really nice to get out yesterday." Hiei looked at Kurama. Maybe the fox _was_ bored.

"Alright, Kurama. I'll do whatever you want to do." Kurama beamed at him.

"Great!" he said. "I think I want to go for a swim, actually." Hiei shot Kurama a look of disapproval.

"What?" he asked. "I don't think so."

"But...you just said..."

"Why would you suggest the one place I hate?" Hiei said. "You dragged me to the beach before, Kurama, and I swore I'd never go back there."

"We don't have to go to the beach," Kurama said. "We could have just as much fun at the creek." Hiei's face lightened up.

"Oh. Yeah, okay. Don't know what this _fun_ you speak of is, but I'll deal with it." Kurama scooted the inch and a half space on the bench closer to Hiei, who gave him a wary look. "What?" Hiei asked.

"What _is_ your idea of fun?" Kurama asked. Hiei thought about it for a while.

"I'm not saying."

"Please tell me... I...want to do something with you that you'd enjoy, too."

"That would require you doing nothing at all, Kurama." Kurama's eyebrows went down. "At least, nothing knowing I'm around."

"Oh, I get it. You like to watch me, don't you?"

"Yeah. That and that only."

"You can watch me as long as you like, but there's got to be something else." Kurama thought a few moments longer. "What about music?" he asked.

"Music?" Hiei asked. "Yeah...kinda. Only when you sing it." Kurama made a face.

"Well...what about...eating?"

"_Ningen_s think of eating as a pastime or something?" Hiei asked.

"A lot of people like to eat out and that sort of thing."

"Well, I can't do that, so no. I don't like it." Kurama tilted his head in thought.

"You don't like any of the games we play...?" he asked. Hiei shook his head.

"Stupid _ningen_ traps." Kurama looked away.

"I guess there really is nothing else."

"So we gonna go?" Hiei asked.

"Sure. But I want to pick up some things before we head over there." Kurama stood and walked Hiei out of the park. Hiei made it a point to not say anything, but to watch Kurama's behavior on the way to his house. As expected, Kurama fell back into the weirdness he'd shown over the past weeks. Did he really need _that_ much attention that once it was taken away he'd get bored all over again? Hiei frowned.

"I don't think I'll ever understand you, Kurama," Hiei said, shaking his head.

"I don't suggest that you try to," Kurama said. "I have a hard enough time trying to understand myself." Hiei chuckled.

"You think you understand me?" he asked. Kurama thought about it for a moment.

"A little. I still think there's a lot to know about you that you haven't yet disclosed and that I'd love to hear about. But even then, I don't think I'd know you nearly enough to understand you. Actually...I think that...the sense of mystery I get just thinking about you is....what attracts me to you the most." Hiei smirked.

"That's good to know," he said. They were silent the rest of the way back. Hiei followed Kurama up to his room and sat at his computer desk while he got some things together to go to the creek.

Hiei went through the same actions Yusuke had when he'd been there earlier, his eyes eventually falling on Kurama's pillow. Kurama wasn't in the room and Hiei didn't know where he'd gone, but he was sure he could get the potion in a jiffy.

He stood up and went over to the bed, quickly reaching under the pillow. Hiei's eyes widened when he didn't feel the potion. He pulled away. Had...the fox already begun using it? Hiei rushed over to the desk and opened the drawers, looking for it. He saw a bottle just like the one he'd destroyed and grabbed it, stuffing it in his pocket.

'_I won't let this happen to you Kurama_...' he thought, looking towards the bedroom door. '_I'll protect you_...' He closed the drawer just as Kurama returned.

"I totally forgot, Hiei," Kurama said. "Mom wanted me to pick up some things. I've got to go to the market and get them." Hiei shrugged. "Could you come with me?"

"Fine." Kurama smiled and crossed the room.

"Hmm..." He went over to his desk and opened a drawer, one thankfully that had not held the serum. Hiei watched him as he sat the paper and took a pen from the utensil cup. "Can you write?" he asked.

"Yeah..." Hiei said. "I picked some stuff up watching you do it."

"Good. Just write down what I say, alright?"

"Yeah." Kurama moved away from the desk. "Kurama?"

"Yes, Hiei."

"If...you take some of the serum and not all of it, what will happen to you?" Kurama's eyebrows lowered.

"Why?"

"Just thinking." Kurama's eyes unconsciously moved to his pillow and back to Hiei. Hiei pretended not to notice.

"It will work for the one dose, just as long as follow the steps right. But if you don't, it won't have any effect unless all of it is taken. Too much can mess you up, but just one won't do much."

"Oh....ok. Moving on." Hiei tapped the paper with the pen. "What does she need?"

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::crosses fingers:: Come on lucky 21! Come on lucky 21! Please review!

J3


	7. The Discovery

$.$ I feel rich! I want to thank all of you guys for reviewing, and a special thanks to my lucky 21 **kikira-san**! You guys all rock!! Here's chapter seven!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own YYH.

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- **The Discovery** -

Kurama wheeled the cart past the crowd of people that stood at the front of the market. Hiei walked alongside him as he moved around, expertly dodging the consumers as he made his way towards the aisles.

Kurama took the list out of his pocket.

"We might as well check and see if we need anything from this aisle, since we're already here..." he said. Hiei leaned against the cart as Kurama looked at the list, surprised when it moved with him. Right...the wheels. Hiei hid his embarrassment. "What...is this?" Kurama asked. Hiei, studying the wheels of the cart, didn't look up at Kurama when he spoke.

"What's what?" Kurama eyebrows nearly met in the center of his forehead as he studied the list.

"Orange jews...banilla cuss?" Hiei looked up at him. "Were you...listening to me when I said this to you?" Kurama's expression was amused and so Hiei smirked.

"I wrote what you said," he said.

"But...Hiei...what's a flute bladder?" Hiei shrugged.

"I wish I knew, Kurama," Hiei said. "_Ningen_s eat weird things, how'm I supposed to know what it is?" Kurama nodded.

"You're right..." he said. "I think we should leave the writing part to me."

"Good idea."

"You just stand there while I try to decipher this list," Kurama said. "Don't wonder off when you see something you like." Hiei nodded, but did just that when he saw the woman at the end of the aisle handing out samples of a new squid snack. He went over to her.

"Come on, get'em while they're hot. Got a lot of _rikishi_s out here and you gotta stay big and strong. I know you want 'em! Get'em while they're hot." Hiei stepped up to the table, barely able to see over it. The woman's ice blue eyes trailed down to him. She gave him an irritating smile.

"Hey, sonny. Want a sample?" She leaned forward, handing Hiei a dried out looking squid on a stick. Hiei reached up, took it and ate it. He nodded.

"Not bad," he said. She took the stick and gave him a slip of paper.

"Half off," she said. "Tell your mom you want them for dinner." Then her attention went to everyone else. "Get'em while they're hot." Hiei looked down at the paper, shrugged and started towards Kurama. He was talking with some guy Hiei didn't recognize. Hiei walked over to them slowly.

"So how about it?" the man was saying.

"I'll have to think about it..." Kurama said, sounding uninterested. His back was to Hiei.

"I know you'll be there," the man said. Hiei didn't like his tone. How dare he tell his fox that?

"Right..." Kurama said, in that 'get real' type of way. The man gave Kurama a look Hiei would have killed him over and walked away.

"Who's the loser?" Hiei asked loud enough for the guy to hear.

"Someone I went to school with..." Kurama said, watching the man walk away. "Some weirdo who wants me to go to this party on Friday. Why...I don't know." Kurama looked down at Hiei. "We never talked in school."

"Usually I don't let people influence the things I do, but I'm sick of people like him and all those girls. You're going out with me as of right now. So stop talking to them." Kurama looked surprised, but didn't oppose. He nodded. Hiei sighed and handed Kurama the slip of paper.

"What's this?" Kurama asked. Hiei pointed to the woman.

"She told me to tell my mother to get them for a half off dinner," Hiei said, going into one of the modes Kurama liked to see best. "So can I have them, mom? Can I, can I, can I?" Kurama laughed a little and began to wheel the cart away.

"Let's go get the orange _jews_," he said.

After Kurama paid for the groceries and he and Hiei brought them home, he busied himself with putting them away. Hiei sat in the kitchen with him, waiting for him to finish. Though Kurama wasn't necessarily having fun putting oatmeal on a shelf, his expression was one that Hiei was used to. Hiei was therefore at ease.

Kurama finished and made himself a bowl of cereal. He sat down next to Hiei and ate. Hiei looked at him.

"So I guess we're not going to go?" he asked. Kurama shook his head.

"It's getting late and mom will be home soon."

"Oh." Hiei looked away and then back at Kurama. "So tell me...what's the biggest reason why you stay here...?"

"Why I stay here?" Kurama asked, scooping some cereal into his spoon. "This is my home now...didn't we already go over this?"

"But the biggest reason. Think about that one and then ask yourself is it worth it?"

"Of course I think it's worth it," Kurama said. "If I didn't, I wouldn't be here right now."

"But you're still thinking about leaving though, Kurama. So apparently you're not as sure as you think."

"I don't plan to leave my life behind," Kurama said. "I do not. I'm going to live here until I die and that's that." Hiei folded his arms and looked away again.

"Good. I'll only like it here as long as you do and they don't have that 'I scream' stuff like they have here in the _makai_."

"Ice cream..." Kurama said slowly. "Ice cream. I've got to get you used to saying these things. I still can't get over how you called cheese "sheeze" for the longest time. What is sheeze, anyway?" Hiei shrugged.

"Cheese, sheeze," he said. "It's all the same to me." Kurama nodded.

"I'll have to remember that," he said. "Anyway, are you going to stay the night?"

"Don't I always?"

"You didn't last night."

"That's because you were going through things and I needed some advice. Everybody needs space sometimes."

"I could have used the company..." Kurama said.

"Well, I'm here now, so use it all you like."

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Oh." Hiei leaned forward over Kurama's bowl of cereal. He sniffed it, reached inside, and took a piece of fruit out. "I was thinking about fixing dinner," Kurama said. "So if you're hungry, I'm open for suggestions." Hiei shrugged.

"Whatever you make is fine." Kurama nodded and finished off his cereal. He rinsed out the bowl and went over to the refrigerator. He pulled some chicken meat out of the freezer and set it inside the sink.

"Be right back," he said heading for the hallway. "Don't touch the meat, alright?"

"Hn." Kurama went up the stairs to his room. As soon as he entered, he heard it.

'_You know, Kurama_...? _Just a little here and there, it's as simple as that. What would it hurt, Kurama_?' Kurama shook his head, but found his eyes drifting over to his pillow.

"I can't..." he told himself.

'_Yes, you can. And you will. You'll take it tonight_.' Kurama went over to his closet door and opened it. On the floor, tucked away in the corner was a small Benson burner he'd had for years. He kneeled and reached for it.

'_It won't be hard. It won't be hard at all. Once Hiei falls asleep, you'll take the first dose, won't you? Then you'll be free again. Just imagine_.' Kurama shook his head again.

"I...can't..." he said again.

'_But you will_.' Kurama stood up and went over to his bed. He reached out and smoothed his hand over his pillow.

'_That's right...now get it out and take it. The sooner, the better_.' Kurama ran his hand down the pillow and slipped it underneath.

He felt around.

Nothing.

His eyes widened in surprise and he whipped the pillow from the bed. The serum was not there. He remained as calm as he could as he dropped to his knees. He looked under the bed, but didn't see the bottle anywhere.

Where could it have gone? He was sure it put it there the night before—he was positive. What on earth could have happened to it? Kurama sat back on his heels, sighing heavily. He looked over at his drawer and sprang towards it.

He pulled it open and looked inside. Again, there was nothing.

"_Inari_!" he whispered sharply, digging through the neat stacks of paper inside. He lifted to glance around the room. That was when his eyes met those of the fire demon.

Hiei's expression was hard as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the serum.

"Looking for this?" he asked.

* * *

O.O Did...I just leave you guys hanging with a major cliffy? ::grins evilly:: You bet I did. But I'll update soon, I promise! I...think...

And...if you guys are confused about the vials of serum, good. That's exactly how I want you to be right now. But...if you know what's going on...you're awfully perceptive... AnyHOO... Thanks a billion for reading, _minna-san_! Please review!

J3


	8. An Absent Mind

O.O Anybody out there, still? I know it's been a while, and I know I said I would get chapter eight out soon, but things happened and I found myself at a creative standstill. ::blinks eyelashes rapidly in an attempt to evoke sympathy:: I do apologize, and to prove it, you're getting twice the goodness! Read on, my pretties! ::cackles like the Wicked Witch of the West::

-Special thanks to _GoGo-C-Chan_! I finally updated! And all because you were kind enough to let me rest! Tanks a billion!-

**Disc'r**:: I don't own YYH.

* * *

- **An Absent Mind** -

"Give that to me!" Kurama growled. "It's mine." Hiei put it back in his pocket, his face turning red with his anger.

"How dare you lie to me, Kurama?" he asked. "How much have you taken already?" Kurama stared back at him, his face vicious, but Hiei was one to win staring contests and Kurama knew it. He looked down.

"I haven't taken any," he said. "You didn't give me the chance."

"Where's the other one?" Hiei asked. "I know you've got more around here somewhere."

"I won't tell you," Kurama said. "Give it back to me."

"Tell me where the others are."

"You've already taken three of them, Hiei...give it back to me, I mean it!"

"Three?" Hiei asked. "I took three Kurama, and there's more? I've only got my hands on two, but if I have to watch you every second Kurama, I swear I will to get them away from you."

"Where is it?" Kurama asked, looking around the room. He went back to the drawer and searched through it. "What did you do with it?"

"Kurama, stop it—"

"Hiei...don't do this to me...I need it..."

"Don't be foolish."

"I need it, Hiei..."

"Why?" Kurama sat back, sitting on the floor.

"I...I don't know."

"Tell me where the others are."

"I...I can't." Hiei went over to him and kneeled next to him.

"If you're going to do it, then fine. I don't care. But don't you sit there and lie to me about it. That I will not stand for." Hiei reached into his pocket and pulled it out. "All that over _this_?" he asked. Kurama reached for it. Hiei smacked his hand away. "You tell me straight, Kurama. Is this what you want?" Kurama looked over to him.

"I don't know..."

'_Tell him it's what you want!' _the voice returned, raspy and needy._ 'Tell him it's what you desire. He'll help you...look at him. Tell him! He'd go back with you, Kurama! Tell him_!'

"Yes..." Kurama blurted out. Hiei nearly fell over. How could Kurama say that, after all that he'd said about not wanting it to ruin his life? Something was wrong...there had to be. Hiei gripped the vial tighter.

"I'm getting rid of this evil, Kurama, do you hear me?" Kurama shook his head, but not in response to Hiei's question.

"It's mine. Return it to me."

"You want this?" Hiei asked, staring down at his fist. "I won't let you have it. I won't let you ruin your life over nothing. I'm going to destroy it, and I'll be watching you, Kurama. I'll be watching you and I'll catch you if you try to use this again."

"I haven't used it, Hiei!" Kurama said.

"Don't lie to me," Hiei snarled. "When I come back tomorrow, Kurama...I swear you'd better be over this."

"You...said you'd stay the night with me."

"You just spent the past few weeks lying your ass off to me, Kurama. What do you want me to do?" Kurama looked down, his bottom lip beginning to quiver.

"I haven't taken it, Hiei. I haven't."

"Don't you try that on me again. Everything you say is a lie. Did you lie to Yusuke, too? Telling him all that mess about you liking me, was that all a lie, too?" Kurama looked up at Hiei, his eyes deep and pleading. He grasped on to Hiei's collar and squeezed tightly.

"No!" he exclaimed. "Hiei...I love you, I do...don't...don't deny me that, Hiei, I love you." Hiei took one of Kurama's hands, wiggled it free, opened it and set the serum inside. He closed his fingers around it.

"If you're being true to yourself, Kurama, you won't take it." Kurama sniffled, though no tears fell from his eyes.

"I'm...I'm not lying to you...I don't know what came over me. I don't want to take it, Hiei. I truly don't."

"Don't tell me that now. I'm not the one that needs convincing. I'm going to Yusuke's. You do what you have to do."

"Don't leave me..."

"I'm not going to baby-sit you on this, Kurama," Hiei said, approaching the window. "You have a lot of thinking to do and I suggest you start right now. I'll be at Yusuke's for the night. I'll see you tomorrow." Hiei took off from the window. Kurama stared after him in disbelief.

Hiei flitted to tree after tree, heading for Yusuke's apartment. Night had fallen rapidly and the streets were mostly empty. It was quiet on Yusuke's block, only the occasional car passing by and breaking the silence. Hiei perched on Yusuke's bedroom window and looked in.

It was dark inside, and, after a little concentration, he could tell that Yusuke wasn't there. He closed his eyes and let his _jagan_ work to locate Yusuke. It didn't take long. Hiei pounced from the window, to the ledge of the apartment complex, then to the nearest tree, heading for Kuwabara's house.

* * *


	9. Collective Theory

* * *

- **Collective Theory** -

Kuwabara's street was desolate. The rustling of leaves was all Hiei could hear and the demon had excellent senses. He landed in front of the building and peered into the first window on the right. The lights were off, but Hiei could see Yusuke laid out in the front of the dim glow of the television. Kuwabara was sitting up a few feet away from the screen. Hiei knocked on the window pane. Kuwabara screeched.

"Quiet," Yusuke said quickly, going over to the door. "What do you want?" he asked the intruder.

"Open up, Detective," Hiei said. Yusuke looked at the window. "We need to talk." Yusuke went over to the window, unlocked it, and lifted it so that Hiei could come inside.

"What happened this time?" he asked. Hiei crawled in, landing softly on the hard wood floor.

"Kurama's going nuts," he said. "I think I'm going to knock him out for a few days until he gets his sense back."

"What's going on?" Kuwabara asked, standing up belatedly.

"Nothing that concerns you," Hiei said.

"Maybe he can help," Yusuke said.

"Right," Hiei said sarcastically. Yusuke shut the window, motioning for the guys to follow him to the kitchen. He explained to Kuwabara all that he knew about Kurama's situation, and then Hiei explained what happened that night.

"So where's he now?" Kuwabara asked.

"At home, moping," Hiei said. "I shouldn't have left. He'll probably take it."

"He won't..." Yusuke said, though he didn't sound sure of himself. He poured some water he'd boiled into a cup and opened a packet of tea. "He's better than that."

"I don't know what it is," Hiei said.

"Maybe a soul's gotten into him," Kuwabara said. "That happens." Yusuke nodded.

"We could ask Koenma to check him out," he said. He dipped the teabag several times, allowing it to brew before sipping it. A little cream and lemon and he'd be all set.

"I think I would know if something took over his body," Hiei said. "It's not a foreign spirit, damnit. It's Youko, it's got to be."

"We were thinking that maybe Kurama's just telling us that he likes it here, but that he's lying when he says that," Yusuke said. Kuwabara twiddled his thumbs.

"Should we go over there...keep him company? Maybe we'll see something new tonight...something that will give away what's going on with him."

"I've been with him everyday," Hiei said, getting a little angry.

"But something new turns up every time you turn around," Kuwabara said. "I mean...who knows what we're missing now."

"I say we let him do whatever he wants," Hiei said. He sat back and folded his arms. "We're acting like he's a child who can't make his own damn decisions. If he wants to leave, let him leave."

"No way," Kuwabara said.

"You're so full of it, Hiei," Yusuke said, sitting down at the table with the other two. "You don't want that for him."

"None of us do," Kuwabara said. "Kurama...it's just that...Kurama _looks_ like he likes it here and when he goes back to the _makai_, he's always so anxious to come here again. He doesn't want to go back...at least not yet. He's told me plenty of times."

"He's told all of us plenty of times," Hiei said. "I'm so sick of his lies."

"For someone who likes him so much, you're acting awfully harsh," Yusuke said. "Kurama just needs some guidance with this."

"He can make his own decisions, Yusuke," Hiei said. "He always has. He...may be confused, but there's no reason we should be all over him, baby-sitting him. He knows what he wants and if he wants out, then so be it."

"Would you just stop," Kuwabara said. "It's...not like that. It can't be." He shook his head. "Sometimes...people are misguided, Hiei, and sometimes they need help. It's like...you've got a friend who's addicted to drugs and you know they need help to get over them. You've got to step in and save them before it's too late."

"I don't give a damn how pathetic you _ningen__s_ are but if you think Kurama's anything like that, you must be joking," Hiei spat. "He's a demon, damnit, and demons know what they want. So what if it's Youko that wants to take that stupid serum, Youko _is_ Kurama. And...and I've...I've got to accept that. I can't just..."

"Hiei, seriously..." Yusuke interrupted. "Did you come over here for help, or did you come to shoot down everything Kuwabara and I say?" Hiei shook his head and looked down.

"I can't just support one and not the other," Hiei said.

"Question is..." Kuwabara began. "Which one needs the support the most right now?"

Hiei perched silently in the tree across from where Kurama sat. It was close to midnight and Kurama had been there for almost three hours. His demeanor hadn't really changed since he arrived. He just sat sighing. And staring.

Hiei was worried. He'd fled Kuwabara's house right after Kuwabara asked that question. How the hell was he supposed to know which needed help the most? Hiei was a demon and while he spoke to Yusuke and Kuwabara he realized that so was Kurama and that Kurama's demon side would and should know best.

But then...thinking about Kurama's situation...he wasn't really just a demon anymore, was he? He was human as well, and he'd lived quite a while in the _ningenkai_. Not nearly as long as he could have, but long enough that he considered it home. What was it that Kurama longed for...that he missed? That he needed?

Kurama rose suddenly. Hiei watched him as he walked over the tree closest to the park bench and kneeled before it. He ran his hands along the grass there and then up the bark of the tree. Hiei waited patiently, barely breathing to keep quiet. Kurama rose and placed his hands palms out on the tree. He let them rest there, his eyes closed. The wind blew silently through his hair and that was the only thing on him that stirred.

A strong sense slowly came over Hiei. It was thick and smelled of roses. Hiei had to take in deeper breaths to be able to breathe over it. It became thinner after a while, and Kurama opened his eyes. There was something different about him...he...was he transforming? Hiei leaned closer to try and get a better look. Kurama turned his head sharply in Hiei's direction. He must have been; his senses had heightened.

Not seeing anything, Kurama looked back at the tree. He closed his eyes again and Hiei waited. Again, the smell wafted by him. It was a pleasant smell, with Youko's scent mixed with the rose aroma this time. Hiei watched as Kurama began to change. He saved thinking about it for afterward. He didn't want to get distracted and make noises.

It was a subtle transformation and if Hiei had have looked away for a second he would have missed it. Youko kneeled in front of the tree and placed his hands on the grass as he'd done earlier. All along the grass, flowers began to bloom and blossom. The trees around them began to blossom as well and the branches stretched out a bit more. Youko's face was stern with concentration.

A pulse beat from Youko's hands and he almost jumped back. He turned his hands over and stared at them, and then he looked at the ground again. The flowers began to die, one by one and the trees began to wilt. Youko looked alarmed. He stood and looked around. Hiei watched him quietly, still, as he slowly transformed back to Kurama.

Kurama stepped back onto the path and looked around in almost a panic. Hiei's eyebrows lowered in concern. Kurama stared down at his hands and began to rub them together quickly, as if they were sticks and he was trying to start a fire. He stopped and looked at them. His eyes widened and he closed his hands into a fist.

"Damnit!" he said sharply. "Damnit...please..." Kurama rubbed his hands on his thighs, as if trying to remove something from them. "_Onegai_," he said. Hiei became confused. So the fox _was_ losing his mind. Kurama began to walk away, looking around at the flowers as they faded. "_Inari_...please..." he said and began to stumble. His legs weren't working right. He collapsed to the ground. "_Onegai_..." he said again. Hiei grunted and hopped down from the tree. He rushed over to Kurama, grabbed him by the forearms and made him look at him.

"What the hell is going on?" Hiei asked. Kurama looked up at him, surprised to see him there. He'd been crying, something Hiei didn't see from the tree. Hiei kneeled next to him. "Kurama...?" he began, his voice uncharacteristically soft. "What's going on with you?"

"I...I'm in trouble," he said. "There's...Hiei..." Hiei leaned forward and slid his arms around Kurama.

"Let me help you, Kurama."

"I don't know that you can..." he said.

"Tell me what to do...I'll do anything." Kurama sniffed and rested his head on Hiei's chest.

"I'm sorry," he said. Hiei shook his head and lifted Kurama to his feet.

"Come on, Kurama. I'm going to take you home now." Kurama followed Hiei out of the park and let him walk him home.

* * *

Thanks for reading, and please review! I probably shouldn't make any promises, but...I'll _bet_ that I'll get chapter ten out as soon as I find a title for it! ::smiles suspiciously:: How ever long _that'll_ take... And if you're still confused about the serum situation, just let me know and I'll put a little more of an explanation next post. Latah!

J3


	10. Heart of the Matter

I'm sorry for the late update last time! But this one was quick, right? Right?

**Disc'r**: I don't own YYH.

* * *

- **Heart of the Matter** -

Kurama came from the bathroom, covered lazily in a robe with his damp hair strewn around his shoulders. He sniffled as he plopped down on the bed. Hiei was sitting at the computer desk waiting for him to return from his shower. He looked better, except for the fact that his eyes were a bit puffy.

"You ready to talk?" Hiei asked. Kurama shook his head.

"Yes," he said. Hiei looked confused.

"Yes...and no?" Kurama nodded.

"Yes." Hiei made a face.

"You...want to sleep on it, fox?" he asked.

"No. I want to tell you right now."

"I'm all ears."

"I'm in trouble." Hiei nodded.

"What kind of trouble?"

"_Big_ trouble." Kurama sighed and looked away. "I...I made a mistake in mixing that serum. Hiei...the reason I needed it back was because I remembered that after one mixes it, they _have_ to take it."

"Why?"

"It's just something that's been understood," Kurama said. "Like an unspoken rule. Not taking it, anything of that nature, is like a curse."

"Hn." Hiei was sitting in the chair backwards, and so he folded his arms up over the back of the chair and rested his chin on them.

"I...realized as I slept that it was important that I use it."

"It's too risky."

"Hiei..." Kurama said quickly. "Damnit...I have no other choice. It's like a punishment...for it."

"What is?"

"If...you mix something that's use is purely selfish and out of vanity and then you don't use it, your ability to mix falters, and your ability to manipulate your specialty falters. I...I have to take it, or else..."

"Hn." Hiei's eyebrows were dipped severely as he thought. Kurama waited for what he would say. "Fine," he said finally. "You should take it. But, Kurama, I just have to say that this is the most stupidest thing you've ever done."

"I...I know."

"The Kurama I know would never do something this stupid." Kurama gave him a hard look.

"Well, the Kurama you know did. And neither of us can change that."

"How many do you have left?" Hiei asked, looking a bit annoyed. Kurama sighed and looked down.

"I made seven," he said. "And you destroyed one and took two others."

"No, I didn't," Hiei said. "Yeah, I got rid of one, but I only stole one and that one, I gave back."

"Oh..." Kurama said. "So then...what happened to the other?"

"You should know. You're the one hiding them all over the place."

"Oh, no..." Kurama said. "I...I don't know if I can do this using just five..."

"Why the hell not?" Hiei asked.

"It...might not work unless I use all of it."

"Well, that's impossible. I burned one. You should just take the five doses and get it over with." Kurama nodded.

"Yes," he said. "It...it just might work."

"It will." Kurama nodded.

"Yes," he said again. Hiei stood up and walked over to Kurama. He sat down on the bed next to him. His eyes were on the floor as he sat. Kurama looked over to him.

"I'm afraid," he whispered. "I'm afraid it won't work." Hiei's eyes remained on the floor. His stomach began to ache. If Kurama was this concerned, there had to be cause for it. His worry made Hiei worry. Hiei wanted to predict the outcome with his own sense of certainty, but that was what Kurama lacked and Kurama knew the situation better than Hiei did. He knew better how it would end up, and he was scared. Hiei's stomach gurgled.

"Kurama?"

"Yes?"

"There's nothing else you can do?"

"Make a sacrifice..." Kurama said. His voice was hushed. Hiei folded his arms slowly.

"What type of sacrifice?" he asked carefully. Kurama let in a breath for what seemed like an eternity, and let it out even slower.

"It's not an option," he said. His voice was shaky.

"Tell me." The silence weighed heavily on Hiei as he waited for Kurama's response.

"I tried to give Inari an offering...and he rejected it," Kurama said finally. His eyes were shut tightly. "Ignoring it is one thing. It means he doesn't care what you've done, and that it should just be forgotten. But...rejecting it..."

"He's pissed off?"

"Sorely. I really must have angered him."

"What does he want, then...?" Hiei asked. "What's this sacrifice?"

"I give up what I honor the most." Kurama's eyes began to water. Hiei looked at him closely.

"And what's that? Shuuichi?"

"Mother." Hiei's eyes widened and he nodded.

"So...you either lose yourself, or get taken away from Shiori?" Kurama shook his head adamantly.

"No. He won't take me from her. He'll...he'll take her away."

"He...he can't do that." Kurama looked at Hiei.

"He'll do whatever he wants to do. If I take it, there's a chance he won't be so mad. He won't punish me so terribly. Hiei...harming mother is the worst thing anyone could ever do to me. I don't care what happens to me, mother has to be left out of it. She...she doesn't deserve it. I...I never should have come here."

"No, Kurama. Think about it. The only mistake you made was making that stuff in the first place. Nothing you've done up until now has made you regret coming here. You...what the hell were you thinking?" Hiei truly couldn't understand.

"I don't know," Kurama said. He held his hands tightly. "I have no idea what came over me."

"But you know that something came over you?"

"It's him."

"Who?"

"Youko."

"Youko's not that stupid, Kurama. You're making up excuses."

"Well, what do you want me to say?" Kurama asked. "I don't know what the hell happened, alright?"

"What makes you think it's Youko?"

"It's this voice," Kurama said. "My inner spirit. It's desires...I...I..." Kurama clutched his fingers tighter. "I can't ignore it. I can't get rid of it, no matter how hard I try."

"Kurama..."

"Yes?"

"Tell me exactly what you want. I want the truth, whether you want me to hear it or not." Kurama closed his eyes tightly and rubbed his temple. He sighed and ran his hand down his face, cupping his chin.

"I want...to...be young when I'm Youko..." he said. "I don't want to grow old. I'm afraid to grow old." Kurama swallowed roughly. "I've been thinking about this ever since I came here, and I saw how humans aged. I knew I didn't have to worry about it, because I was a demon, but then I started having dreams about the elder, and it frightened me. I don't want to end up like her, Hiei. I'm afraid to end up like her. It...it was a stagnant fear until mother...mother started to gray. When I looked at her...I could see smile lines beginning to show on her features. I know..." Kurama stopped suddenly, feeling something caught in his throat. "I know it's only the beginning stages of aging, but...Hiei...I don't want to lose her." He turned to Hiei. "I...I didn't mix it for me, Hiei..." Hiei's eyes widened.

"But...Kurama...she can't possibly..."

"She can..." Kurama said. "She can take it and it would work on her."

"Kurama..."

"But...the voice... After I mixed it...something inside of me craved it. It...it... I didn't want anyone to know about it, but that voice. It's why I wanted you to get rid of it for me..."

"But you knew there were seven."

"I still thought that maybe I could give her one. Humans only need one. The older you are, the more you need. Youko requires seven."

"Why did you mix so much of it...if it was for her?"

"It's a lot," Kurama said. He sniffed and rubbed his nose. "It's like baking muffins. You might only want one, but the batter is for 2 dozen." Hiei nodded.

"So where's the rest of it?"

"I gave it to him and he told me I could use it on her. He's upset that I didn't give it all to him. He doesn't approve of my use of it."

"That's what you did...when you went to the _makai_ that time..." Hiei said. Kurama nodded.

"That's right..." he said.

"Ohhh...." Hiei said. "I see."

"I...want to live here with mother and I don't want her to pass away. I want...to live in the _makai_ at times, but I want to be youthful when I do. I want to return, and see that she's still well...and see that she's still here. And...and I want to be with you." Hiei was nodding as Kurama spoke, understanding everything he said, but then he stopped when he heard the last part. He blinked a few times, then looked up at Kurama.

"We're...together, aren't we?" Kurama took his hand.

"Yes," he said.

"You didn't do anything stupid regarding me, did you?" Hiei asked. Kurama shook his head.

"No..." he said. "Except...disappointing you with all of this."

"Kurama?"

"Yes."

"I still have faith in you...that you'll make the right decision." Kurama smiled at him bitter sweetly. Hiei nodded slightly, leaned over and kissed Kurama on the side of the mouth. Kurama felt tears sting the back of his eyes.

"Thank you..." he whispered.

* * *

And thank you guys for reading! Finally, an explanation! I figured in this chapter, Kurama should just stop lying and tell it like it is. Which means that everything he said was the truth. And if you're still confused, it's probably my fault for not making things clear enough. . I try. Please review!

J3


	11. Her Word

Hello and welcome to the last chapter of my little story here. Yes, it seems I'm finally done. ::sigh:: What will I do now? Write another one, of course! Enjoy!

* * *

- **Her Word** -

"Shuuichi?" Kurama looked up at Shiori as she sat down at the table.

"Yes, mother...?"

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"No..." he said, stirring his rice a little. He picked some up with his fork. "Why do you ask?"

"You just seem a bit depressed suddenly." Kurama smiled and shook his head.

"No..." he said. "I'm just tired. I'm...trying to catch up on some rest before I go back to school and everything. I...I miss it, sort of." Shiori smiled.

"I remember my first summer out," she said. "Me and a big group of friends traveled south to this amusement park. It was the first time a lot of us were away from home, and I loved it, being away. I did miss my parents though, but I knew it was my time to shine. I was very excited about going back to school and finding myself, you know? I knew that it was my time, just as I know that it's yours now." Kurama smiled and sat down his fork.

"I...never thought of it that way." Shiori nodded.

"Your grandmother was very adamant about me going out, and studying abroad. By the time I finished school, she was well in her sixties. She had me very late in life, remember?"

"I do."

"I wish you could have seen her before it happened."

"I wish that as well," Kurama said. "I really...would have liked to get to know her." Shiori smiled and ate a little before she stopped.

"I've...lost my train of thought," she said. "I've been doing that a lot lately..." Kurama looked up at her. It hurt him to hear that.

"You were saying that grandmother wanted you to get out and study abroad," he said.

"Right, right..." Shiori said. "She wanted me to enjoy life, and the world. She said that it was important for all young people to do that before their time passed. I...I don't want you to miss your time, Shuuichi. I want you to enjoy your time as much as you possibly can." Kurama looked down. He was going to cry again. Why was she saying that then? It was as if she was reading his mind.

"Mother...if you had to chance to relive that...your youth...would you?" Shiori shook her head firmly.

"No," she said. "My memories are all I need." Kurama nodded and stood up.

"Do you...think I could be excused from dinner tonight? There's something I need to do and it might take a while to complete." Shiori smiled at him knowingly and nodded.

"Yes, Shuuichi," she said. "Take all the time you need." Kurama nodded and left the table. He went up to his room, and sat at his desk. He wrote a letter to his mother and slipped it in his top desk drawer. He retrieved the five remaining bottles of youth serum and took them with him. He gave his mother a kiss on the forehead before he left, and told her he loved her and that he hoped to be back soon. Then he went on his way.

"Good evening, I'm so glad you could make it," Shiori greeted. Hiei looked at her strangely as he, Yusuke and Kuwabara came through the threshold. He looked around, surprised and slightly annoyed to see a small group of socializing _ningen_s around the room.

"Are...we interrupting something?" Kuwabara asked.

"Oh, no," Shiori said. "You're here to see Shuuichi, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Yusuke said. "He around?"

"He's up in his room at the moment. He's a little exhausted after helping me set up for this evening." Kuwabara nodded.

"Thank you," he said. The three young men headed for the stairs and Shiori watched them go. She went over to the window and opened and closed the shades a few times, then went back to entertaining. Hiei opened Kurama's room door and went inside as if he owned the place. He looked around very shortly, then opened the bathroom door.

"He's not here?" Yusuke asked, closing the door behind him. Hiei went over to the window.

"Must have snuck out," Kuwabara said.

"Smells like the _makai_ in here," Hiei said. "Smells like _kitsune_ does when he comes back."

"So that's where he went..." Yusuke said. "Wonder what for?"

"He had a big decision to make," Hiei said. "He probably went through with it."

"But he came back so soon," Kuwabara said. "To take all the serum, and then to be reborn so young...you'd think he'd stay there and enjoy it." Yusuke reached into his pocket and pulled out the vial of serum he'd taken.

"This is all my fault," he said. "It wouldn't have been such a big deal if I hadn't taken this."

"It's too late for that now," Hiei said, still looking out the window. "There's no sense in acting pitiful about it."

"Can't you locate him...?" Yusuke asked. Hiei shook his head.

"Don't wanna," he said.

"Hiei's right..." Kuwabara said. "I mean, even if we knew where he was, we shouldn't interrupt whatever he's doing." Not liking how they all stood around in the dark, Kuwabara took a step towards the desk, leaned over and flipped on the light. There were plants all around the room. Startled, Kuwabara made a nervous noise and moved back. Yusuke looked around at them all.

"It's so weird..." he said. "They're all moving as if Kurama's doing it, but...I can't sense his energy."

"And I can't smell anything," Kuwabara said. He pointed at the roses strewn about the bed. "See. We should all be able to smells those, at least."

"It does smell a little plain in here," Yusuke said.

"Should we be worried?" Kuwabara asked, sounding as if he was already worried. He looked over to Hiei, who'd placed his arms on the window sill and was staring out into the night. _Where are you_..._kitsune_? Hiei thought.

"Nah," Yusuke said. "He's got to be alright if he was here helping Shiori-_san_ out not too long ago." He sighed heavily and went over to Hiei, then lifted his hand to place it on his shoulder. That was when he noticed the vial was missing. Shocked, he turned to see if he might have dropped it. Hiei made a sharp noise and pulled away from the window. He waved his hand up and down as it hurt, then grabbed it.

"_Kuso_!" he said, sounding a little confused. He made a noise and looked at Yusuke.

"What happened?" Yusuke asked.

"Felt like I burned myself," he said.

"Oh..." Yusuke said.

"What's your deal?" Hiei asked. "You're all pale..."

"I can't find what I did with that bottle..." Yusuke said, looking around again.

"It's gone..." Kurama said, walking into the room. Yusuke and Hiei looked over to him. Kuwabara had sensed him coming while Hiei and Yusuke were talking, and had opened the door as Kurama approached. "It's in the hands of the only being that should ever hold it." The plants in the room began to sink back underneath the bed from all around the room. Kurama made a satisfied face and wavered a little. Then he looked up and whispered 'thank you.'

"_Kitsune_...?" Hiei asked, still holding on to his hand. "Everything...alright?"

"I believe so..." Kurama said. "It wasn't easy, but I do believe he has been gracious enough to grant me his forgiveness. Please..." Kurama held his hand out towards the bed. "...you must take one. They were the first he allowed me to grow after he'd taken my powers away." Hiei and Yusuke moved towards the bed, and they each, along with Kuwabara, took a rose from the bed. "I created them with you in mind. Mother already has hers."

"So...what's going on?" Kuwabara asked, inspecting his rose as if he'd never held one before. "What did you do, I mean?"

"Well...it's a little complicated..." Kurama said.

"Who's got all night?" Yusuke asked, and then raised his hand. Kuwabara, as if on cue, raised his as well. Hiei shook his head at them.

"Well, alright, but don't say I didn't warn you..." Kurama said. He sat down on the edge of his bed and scooted back so that he rested against his pillows. Hiei sat down on the end of the bed and looked at Kurama expectantly. "I went back home, and I gathered each and everyone one of my most prized possessions and took them with me to the hill."

"The hill?" Yusuke asked, leaning against the window wall with his hand in his pocket.

"Yes...that's where we make our sacrifices. I also brought along each dose of the serum I had with me. You see...I wanted to make an offering. And so I gathered everything I thought he would accept from me to give to him. When I got there, there was a lot of concentration and meditation I had to undergo to prepare for my offering. I laid everything out for him, and prayed for his attention. When he came, I pleaded with him, and begged him that he could have anything and everything from me, but for him to please spare my mother. I offered everything, even myself.

"He...He contemplated it for a long time and then explained to me that Yusuke had taken the sixth bottle, and that the seventh bottle had been destroyed. He said since I used neither bottle and had no intention of using any of the remaining six, he would accept them and my treasures. I, of course, thanked him for such a light punishment, because I know it could have been much worse.

"He told me that I had to get the person who'd stolen the sixth bottle, Yusuke, and the person who'd destroyed the seventh bottle, Hiei, together in a special field created by my newly restored powers. I created the roses in test, to see if I really could do it. He...he had given me back my powers...and for that I'm so grateful.

"When...I returned, I knew it was just a matter of getting you two here, and so I disappeared for a while, until earlier today to help mother prepare for her party. I told her a very vague version of what I had been up to, and she told me that I didn't have to say anything, and that whatever I'd done, she was sure I'd done for a good purpose. I told her that I had a feeling you guys would come over sometime looking for me, and that when you did, to signal me of your arrival and send you to my room, which is where I created the field as he'd asked. Then I prayed for Inari's attention again, and he took the serum away."

"So...that's where it went..." Yusuke said, looking down at his hand.

"Yes," Kurama said. He sat up. "That's the extent of it, really. Once I filled the room with the field, and you guys stepped into it, everything was ready. It was just a matter of him being aware. Once he took them, it felt like a big weight was lifted from my shoulders." Hiei nodded.

"So...everything will be okay, then?"

"Yes," Kurama said. "I do believe it will." Hiei let out a heavy sigh.

"You gonna let your mother grow on her own now?" he asked.

"Yes. We talked about it, and after she told me that she wouldn't want to regress in years, and why she wouldn't, I felt so enlightened. I knew what to do then. I think I've mended my error." Hiei smirked at him.

"Good," he said. "Does this mean you'll stop acting crazy?" Kurama chuckled at him.

"I sure hope so," he said. He sat up. "So?" he asked. "What shall we do on my first night of sanity?"

"Eat," Yusuke said, rubbing his stomach.

"Yeah..." Kuwabara said. "We...really haven't been eating lately... We were kinda worried about you."

"You never know how much you care about someone until they up and disappear on you," Yusuke said. Kurama smiled at them.

"You guys are so sweet to care," he said, getting up from the bed. He gave Kuwabara a tight hug, then went around the bed to hug Yusuke. When he pulled away and didn't hug Hiei, Hiei gave him a scowl.

"What about me?" he asked. "I was worried about you, too."

"Since when do you like to be touched?" Yusuke asked, pinching Hiei's cheek. Hiei's scowl grew.

"Not by the likes of you," he said, smacking Yusuke's hand away. Kurama chuckled at him.

"But by the likes of Kurama?" Yusuke asked. Hiei folded his arms and looked away.

"You're lucky I don't kill you for that."

"If you want a hug, Hiei, I'll definitely give you one," Kurama said.

"No," Hiei said. "Let's just go get something to eat." Yusuke nodded and stood and stretched.

"I'm too hungry for words," he said. The four guys walked to the door, and Kurama let Kuwabara and Yusuke walk out first. He placed his hand on Hiei's shoulder to stop him.

"What?" Hiei asked. Kurama leaned to whisper in his ear.

"I didn't hug you because I have a better way to show my appreciation to you for all that you've done for me." Hiei gave Kurama a confused look. Yusuke peeked at them from the doorway.

"You guys coming or what?" he asked. Kurama nodded and Yusuke moved away.

"That, my demon, is for when we're alone," Kurama whispered. Hiei's eyebrows raised in surprise. Kurama smirked and pressed his hand to Hiei's back to motion him out the door. He flipped out his desk lamp and closed the door behind him.

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Thanks for reading guys! You all rock! I want to thank everyone who reviewed, and for making me feel oh so very rich!! Please review and peace out! Hope to see ya in another story and I sure hope you enjoyed this one! Latah!

J3


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